DUDE, IT'S JUST COOKING

I work in restaurants, so I generally cook differently at work than I do at home. That being said, sometimes I'm at home and I want to cook something that I am not particularly familiar with. I don't know the prep work that has to be done off the top of my head, the sauce proportions or exact ingredients, or a technique that one can utilize at home to get results similar to cooking in a restaurant. So I usually make the HUGE mistake of searching for ______________ recipe. We've all been there. What comes up are a bazillion fucking blogs written by basic bitches telling us whimsical stories about why they made kung pao chicken for their husband because "he deserved it" or how they substituted X because their spawn is averse to an ingredient etc. Nobody fucking cares and nine out of ten times, their recipes fucking suck. It sucks that your kid is allergic to red food coloring, but we don't need to read three fucking paragraphs about it. Following th...